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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven for daily publications, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and historic moments, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to discover that Big Website columnist a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And who can forget during his peak popularity with Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college to use the facilities back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Live Updates

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|